Let us begin with the task itself. Because we need to take a moment to appreciate what the producers have engineered here. Couples who signed up to marry a stranger in order to save their love life are now being asked — as a final act of trust before Final Vows — to sit down for a romantic lunch with a different stranger. Alone. To see if the grass is greener. Every relationship therapist on the planet is currently either weeping or updating their client waitlist. This is not a test of commitment. This is a demolition job with a tablecloth and a wine pairing.

Nobody finds this weird. The experts think this is healthy. The experts also matched Chris with Brooke, so we will simply move on.

Filip told his alternative match he was perfectly happy where he was, smiled politely and left the table. We never talk about Filip. Filip is fine. Filip will live a long and peaceful life and we wish him every happiness.

Scott refused to even sit down. Thanked his match Laura, explained he was in a committed relationship and walked away immediately. David went straight to the bathroom and stayed there. These are men whose love for their wives has manifested as a medically significant stress response. We respect the commitment even if we question the life choices that led them here.

The women, however, were absolutely thrilled about this task. Thrilled. Not suspicious. Not uncomfortable. Thrilled. Interesting data point. We are noting it.

The Puppet Master Orders Off the Menu

Gia sat down with James. Asked about his values — which is a fascinating opening from a woman whose primary declared life ambition is to become a trophy wife. Not curing diseases. Not building something from the ground up. A trophy. To sit on a shelf. To be admired from across the room. James — who had clearly been setting money aside for exactly this kind of opportunity — did not even blink. He declared he would wait for her until after the experiment. Gia informed him they only had a week left so his schedule was probably manageable. James offered his number. Gia told him to find her on social media. "I've been posted everywhere." He had not taken the hint. He wrote the number down anyway.

And Bec — sitting right there, new best friend badge still warm, reconciliation wine barely metabolised — looked at James and said give me the number. She would pass it along personally.

Bec took the number. Gia kept her hands clean. The new puppet did not even wait for dessert to start working.

The puppet master never has to lift a finger. That is literally the whole point. We have said this before. We will apparently need to keep saying it.

And Then There Was Alissa

We owe someone an apology. Several someones, actually. We spent this entire season defending Alissa. Championing Alissa. Rolling our eyes at Gia and Bec and Brooke for targeting a woman who just wanted love. We were moved. We were invested.

We were wrong.

This is the woman who opened her wedding by refusing to legally marry David until he dropped to one knee in front of the entire production crew for a proposal. To a man she had known for four minutes. On a show that is literally built on the premise of marrying complete strangers. Fans watching from home said David should run immediately. We said give her a chance. We were being generous. We regret it.

This is the woman who screamed at David that she solves every problem and he is useless — because the bedroom windows did not have blinds. Blinds, David. You had one job. David's response was to describe himself as the calm to her hurricane. David was not being poetic. David was issuing a weather warning to anyone who would listen.

This is the woman who talked so much and so continuously that David could not physically insert a sentence into the conversation — and then told the cameras he never opens up. He never shares. He is emotionally closed off. David was not emotionally closed off. David was waiting for a gap that structurally never arrived.

And then at the Greener Pastures lunch — while David was locked in a bathroom refusing to even acknowledge the existence of another woman — Alissa sat across from her alternative match Conor and had the absolute time of her life. Star signs. Tattoos. She reportedly asked to see a tattoo in a location that required Conor to carefully consider his surroundings before responding. She was having a wonderful afternoon.

When asked how committed she was to her marriage going into this final week?

Seventy percent.

David was in a bathroom for seventy percent.

Did the mean girls see something the rest of us missed? We are not saying yes. We are simply no longer saying no. Annoying and cruel are two very different things. We thought Alissa was annoying. We were not prepared for what followed.

The iPad. One Thousand and One Red Flags.

The next day the producers delivered iPads to every couple containing the full lunch footage. Scott watched his wife perform what can only be described as an audition for a relationship she had apparently already mentally accepted — while he was hiding in a bathroom on her behalf. Scott said it was disgusting. Scott stormed out swearing. Scott sat alone repeating that Gia had used him. That he had funded this entire experiment from start to finish. That he had been falling in love with this person.

Poor Scott. Sweet, loyal, financially generous, emotionally blindsided Scott. Hiding in a bathroom to protect a relationship while the woman he was protecting it for was on the other side of the building collecting alternative contact information through her newly appointed personal assistant.

He finally saw it. A thousand red flags were apparently not quite enough. The iPad was flag one thousand and one. We hope it was a very clear screen.

Gia knew exactly what was on that footage before Scott ever touched the iPad. The puppet master does not get caught by surprise. She had already done the calculation and the answer was exit. No scene. No accountability. No bathroom excuse this time — Brooke had already retired that particular move and Gia does not recycle other people's material. Just bags. Door. Gone. With loyal Scott right behind her because apparently they had made a pact to leave together.

Scott. The pact was not the problem.

The Infection Finds a New Host

Meanwhile Danny watched footage of Bec at the same lunch enthusiastically cheerleading Gia's entire performance, passing phone numbers across the table, and — in a separate and equally baffling development — casually informing her own alternative match that she and Danny have no physical relationship and she is in desperate need of one. On camera. At a task designed to test her commitment. To her husband. Who was watching it on an iPad.

The infection is still active. It has simply found a new host.

Because Gia had lost everyone. Brooke. Juliette. Every carefully recruited puppet she had assembled over an entire season. And there was Bec. Waiting. Available. Apparently constitutionally incapable of pattern recognition despite having been the pattern twice already.

The puppet master never needs to go recruiting. They always come back on their own.

No Revenge. Just a Boyfriend She Found During Filming.

Gia posted on social media afterward. "No revenge. I got the love story of my dreams." With Alan Wallace. A man she met while the experiment was still filming. While Scott was hiding in bathrooms and paying for everything and falling in love with a woman who was apparently already sourcing her next relationship off camera.

She did not come here for love. She came here for the lighting and left with a boyfriend she found between takes.

We did not script this. Nobody could have scripted this. And yet here we all are.